Obviously it hasn´t completely bypassed me that most people in this world like the idea of Christmas. I wish I would, honestly. But for me Christmas means stress, not the stress you NT people get with not knowing which presents to buy for whom and what to eat and who to visit. My stress is different. It begins with knowing that my routines will change. At Christmas there will be no schools, no kindergarden and no therapy for Elijah. Big Change. And people want to visit or expect us to visit. Thankfully we don´t have many people in the family who wish this but still it means more changes to our routines. I don´t understand why suddenly and only because it is Christmas people remember us and are nice or pretend to be. For instance, I received a Christmas card today from someone who hasn´t called or written to me in the last five years. Why write now and without any explanation as to the long silence? I try and find the explanation with what litte ToM I have and I assume that they were writing their Christmas cards and I was still in the address book. Such things really upheave me, I mean really. Then there are the cards from people who will write you a Christmas card every year, short and unpersonal, and that is all they do. Again, why? Christmas seems to bring out something in people that is normally supressed and it still is really because otherwise if we really really cared about one another there would be no homeless, lonely or hungry people on Christmas. It´s the old principle, if everyone helped another person then each one of us would be helped. Nice theory but as we all know sadly doesn´t work. That´s also something that bothers me about Christmas. Besides all that there are the little bothers in a little poem
The bothers of Christmas
Even more people and too hectic as such
when normally I found it all too much.
Everything is louder and more alight
when normally I find it too noisy and too bright
Much to many different smells in the air
for an autistic nose this is highly unfair.
People behave different and in an odd way
ad I don´t know what to do or say.
It seems all about money and big presents
I find it sad that this is the Christmas essence.
the best presents are never found under the tree
it´s everything only your heart can see.
Still I say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
because it´s being differentthat I mostly fear.
And I do wish that all of you have a great time this year
but please don´t forget it´s not for everyone here
But as best as I can, I join in and pretend
because one thing´s for sure: Christmas will end!