Some days I am really aware of being autistic. Today was such a day.
Everything was hard today, every movement, every word, every look.
I felt my self all the time, no break, no running away. I wanted to but
I didn´t. I wanted to endure self, maybe get to know it a little, befriend it.
It is scary to look into a mirror staring into a strangers eyes yet knowing they
are mine. I wonder what those eyes in the mirror see. It is weird looking
at hands I cannot feel but knowing they belong to me. It surprises me that
most of the time they obey me too. It is petrifying to talk to people when the
self is so nearby and not under my control. It is hard being self but it is who
I am and who I will always be...
autistic me.
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